An Ordeal

After a week, Joseph seemed to have adjusted quite well to his school. He only cried in the morning when we reached the entrance, after which he would be quickly whisked off to wash his hands before partaking of the breakfast provided there, and his tears instantly ceased. His teachers also remarked that Joseph doesn't cry in class anymore and has shown interest in his surroundings instead.

All was going well, till Wednesday 8 March. Joseph began to have a fever in the evening. I fed him some panadol syrup but the fever was still there the next day. I then called up his school to inform them about Joseph being unwell and brought him to see a doctor. In the absence of a cough or runny nose, a urine test was done to exclude urine infection. The result yielded negative reading, so the doctor ruled that it was a viral fever. We went home after getting some medicine.

Two days later he started coughing, while still having the fever. I rummaged in my fridge and found his cough syrup. I faithfully gave the medicine on time, but by Sunday he began to refuse milk feeds. As his body burned with high fever, he slept most of the time. I had by now been giving him cold compresses day and night, whenever the thermometer registered a reading of 39C or more.

The next day, his fever remained high, his cough was still ever present with copious amount of phlegm, his condition did not show any improvement. Plus, he hasn't taken much milk feeds or fluids, and the fact that he slept so much made me a little worried. William and I brought him to the Children's Emergency Dept early on Monday morning. After a blood test, urine test and chest x-ray, the doctor pronounced that Joseph's condition "wasn't too bad". The blood and urine test revealed a viral picture, and his x-ray was "quite clear". He may be warded for an i/v infusion (due to poor feeding) , but otherwise his medication would not be much different. So we could either get him admitted or try feeding him orally at home, while still continuing with our medication. Obviously, we opted for the less inconvenient choice and went home with some more medicine.

So keen was I to avoid hospitalization, that I force-fed Joseph his milk feeds with a syringe. Well, it seemed to work, that evening he had the strength to wander around the house and play with his toys. Both William and I thought Joseph was well on the road to recovery.

That night, as I checked on him, he was breathing at a much faster rate than usual. His little chest rose and fell as rapidly as a runner would, after finishing a race. I decided then that I would bring him to the doctor again the next day. Lo and behold! When Joseph awoke the next morning, he actually drank his milk and was again playing with his toys. Alright, so he's showing signs of improvement now. Okay, no visit to the doctor's today after all.

Joseph laid down for a nap after his second milk feed at 11am. When I checked on him a few minutes later, he had very noisy breathing and I noticed his fingers and toes were quite cold and had a purplish hue. I started to panic. I didn't understand why Joseph kept having those transient moments of wellness, only to sink further after that. I called William at once and told him to take half-day leave, Joseph was very unwell and needed to go to hospital immediately.

We arrived at the Children's Emergency Dept, and after being grilled about Joseph's condition and etc, they treated and stabilised him there before sending him up to the ward. At the ward, Joseph was feeling better after his medicine a short while ago so he looked alert and active again. The doctor wasn't totally convinced that Joseph needed an i/v drip but obliged after we insisted. He also downplayed the seriousness of Joseph's condition and assured us there was nothing to worry about. In my heart, I doubted the competency of this young ward doctor.

So the plan of management was for Joseph to have nebulisation every 2 hours. By evening, his cough was still very chesty. A doctor came to review his condition and said that the 2 hourly nebulisation was to continue since there wasn't any improvement. Till the rest of the night, Joseph just kept having his 2 hourly medication.

In the wee hours of the next morning, I observed that Joseph was getting worse instead of better. He seemed to be labouring hard to draw in breath. I informed the on-call doctor and she said she would check on him again. At 7am, another senior doctor came to see Joseph and announced that he had to be transferred to the high-depency room in Paediatric ICU.

I lost it there and then, tears rolled down my cheeks as I asked the doctor for further explainations. She said that Joseph was very exhausted now from trying to breathe air into his congested lungs, throughout the night. She wants to hook him up to a machine that would help him breathe and deliver oxygen into his lungs spontaneously, without much effort on Joseph's part.

The transfer was done swiftly, and I was told to wait outside Joseph's room while they "settled" him down. Oh yeah, I know what that means. It means they're connecting all kinds of tubings/lines to him and doing blood-taking and/or other hurtful things and they don't want me to see it. I stood obediently outside his door, and heard Joseph's wails and cries. My own tears ran fast and furious, as though the Hoover Dam broke.

Finally the ICU staff finished whatever they had to do and I was allowed to enter Joseph's room. There he laid, a tiny form, eyes shut and motionless, I guess because he was tired after his struggles with the ICU staff. To his right was the trusty little machine that would keep his lungs well-oxygenated. To his left was the monitor screen with various information: his heart beat, breathing rate, oxygen saturation, ECG pattern. I called out Joseph's name softly, his mouth emitted a small sound and he stirred ever so slightly, then he was all quiet again. Oh my sweet baby, mummy is so sorry you went through all these!

By now I had informed William who was at work, and he took urgent leave for the rest of the week. I was trying hard to be strong and not cry, I informed my church care group leader about the latest happening and requested that he keep the whole family in prayer. Other friends who knew about Joseph's hospitalization sms-ed to check on his progress and we told them to also prayer for us.

That day, Joseph had many visitors. Poh Poh, Edmund and Stephanie dropped in, so did William's boss and a colleague. Two of his teachers came too, which I had not expected.

Now Joseph needed to continue his nebulisation every 4 hourly. I'm glad because that meant he'd have less interrupted rest and sleep. The ICU staff had also inserted a tube through Joseph's nose into his stomach so they can feed him his medicine directly without waking him or forcing him to swallow.

The next day, the ICU doctor decided that Joseph can be transferred back to the general ward again. He doesn't need the machine to assist him in his breathing anymore. Praise the Lord! I look forward to seeing him get better and stronger.

Joseph remain warded for the next four days, before finally being discharged on Monday 20 march. He has to continue taking medication at home till his follow-up appointment in the outpatient clinic three days later. I am just so grateful to the Lord, it could have been a longer hospitalization, but because of everyone's prayer and His faithfulness, Joseph was only warded for six days. Thank God for Pastor Mark, who made a trip down to lay hands on Joseph after hearing about him falling ill, from Don.

While Joseph was in the ICU, I kept blaming myself for his predicament. Should I have delayed sending him to school? Was I not vigilant enough in taking care of him? Why did I not admit him to the ward that first visit to CED? Did I so much wanted to believe he is recovering that I read too much into his moments of wellness? I kept kicking myself over what happened but the Lord was merciful. I bumped into a paediatrician Dr Daniel Goh, who specialised in respiratory medicine, I knew him when I used to work in the hospital. He actually stopped to talk with me for not a few minutes, he explained at length that a viral lung infection would run its course not matter how you try to intervene. Nothing that I or any doctor/nurse did would have changed anything, especially so in boys because their breathing tubes are narrower than girls'. His words calmed me down considerably, and I did not cry as much as before. I'm so thankful that he took time to explain that I was not to blame in any way, no one is. Even the transient moments of wellness was part of the natural process, no one could tell when it was going to go which direction.

Lord Jesus, I just want to thank You, for placing people around us, church friends who have shown a great deal of care and support, and others who have prayed for us faithfully. You are our Healer and Deliverer, I know You love Joseph and would see him through fire and storms, increase my faith even as this episode is put behind us forever, amen!