The Ogre Wife

Don't be mistaken, the above title does not refer to Princess Fiona from the animation movie, Shrek. In fact, it is sadly, a real-life drama.

My brother-in-law "James", was suddenly thrown Into A Situation. He is currently, sort of, counselling a troubled marriage. So troubled is the marriage that even a divorce, a means of sure escape, doesn't promise any light at the end of the tunnel.

Let me start my narration, somewhere from the middle of the whole mess. The husband, whom for the sake of convenience and anonymity, I shall call "Desmond", did ever file for a divorce. When I first heard that, endless questions swam in my head. Had he a change of heart? He found someone prettier, younger? He misses the life of a swinging bachelor with unbridled freedom?

Due to my family background, i.e. the failed marriage of my own parents, I will always assume that the man is at fault. I will immediately picture an ingrate who is forsaking his wife of many years in pursuit of a new "interest".

In this particular case though, nothing could be further from the truth. "Desmond's" wife, "Emily" was truly a handful. A handful of bitter temper, brutal tyranny, selfish tantrums, self-inflated pride, and totally convinced that she's justified to behave the way she pleases (read: she can NEVER be in the wrong). She's as unpredictable as the weather, as volatile as a life-volcano.

"Desmond" revealed to "James" that they had a stormy courtship, "Emily" was very difficult to please. They broke off twice, but eventually decided to marry. "Desmond" thought that "Emily's" wilfulness would vanish as she matures with age, and especially after becoming a mother herself. They have a sweet, sensible 6 year-old girl, "Shanice".

Anyway, "Emily's" behaviour did not change, she got worse and worse instead. Always wants things her way, she would not even give in to her own daughter. An example: if there was a TV programme she wants to watch, she'll just switch channels without caring that her little girl had been happily immersed in her kiddy programme at that very moment. Being a child, "Shanice" naturally started to cry. What did "Emily" do? She immediately whipped out a cane and treated Shanice to a sound beating.

I really pity the daughter. So does her father, "Desmond". The only reason till now he did not proceed with divorce proceedings was for his daughter's sake. He himself suffered enough of "Emily's" nonsense, there were tales so bizarre, I thought I was listening to some drama script at first.

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, "Emily" would suddenly kick "Desmond" awake and scold him for snoring and disturbing her precious sleep. So for the rest of the night "Desmond" sits awake, afraid to fall into sound sleep, lest his snores awaken Emily in a rage.

One Christmas, he bought her an expensive watch. When she opened the present, she took one look, with disgust asked "What's this?", and tossed it away. Apparently, even an expensive watch failed to impress her. The following year, "Desmond" decided to ask her what she wants so he doesn't end up getting something she dislikes. Instead of plainly making her wishes known, she replied, "I want to be surprised." Man, oh man! What's a husband to do? What's a man who's desperately trying to save his marriage do?

"Desmond" wondered aloud to "James", whether "Emily" has ever been warded in a mental institute. With a psychopath wife from hell, "Desmond" dreads going home from work as he can't tell when is "Emily" going to have an Anger Attack and starts yelling at everyone.

She would not eat at a food centre. She wants "Desmond" to bring her to dine in restaurants, where she will be waited on by waiters and waitresses. She likes to be regarded as rich and accomplished in her career. A person of status and bearing.

When they first got married, "Emily" would not lift a finger to do any house chores. In fact, she demanded that "Desmond" irons her clothes. He was also the one who puts the laundry in the wash. By the 2nd week, "Desmond" refused to be her "man-servant" anymore. They subsequently hired a live-in maid, because "Emily" thought so highly of herself that she would not wash even a teaspoon!

I remember reading in the newspaper about a year ago, that there exist the little-known "abused husband" in our society. Surely, "Desmond" qualifies to be grouped in this category. He may not have physical scars to show for it, but he had been mentally tortured in every manner imaginable (the instances mentioned above are but the tip of the iceberg), and divorce is not an immediate option as he doesn't want to traumatise "Shanice". Does seem like he's up against a wall, going on a dead-end road.

However there is hope in God. There is a solution because God is powerful, He is both able and willing to save us in any situations, if we invite Him to.

So my dear sis & bro-in-law, I'll support you in prayer as requested. Our Lord Jesus shall equip you with wisdom from on high. May "Desmond" & family come to the Lord's salvation & see His beautiful Hands at work, creating miracles in their lives. The Lord be glorified.