Spousegrouse

"Husbands, love your wife. Wives, respect your husband." That's the admonition from the Word of God. To the religious, this is purely a command from the Holy Bible. To me, it's a sound principle worth adhering to.

When I used to be single, I had seen bickering couples displaying raw emotions and rare talents. From the neighbours I never made acquaintance of, to my own circle of family and friends. Complaints about husbands who don't listen and wives who would nag. In the aforementioned rare talents, I need to clarify, I wasn't referring to hidden abilities as in, "playing the violin" or "balancing teacups on the nose" type. While living in my previous neighbourhood in Ghim Moh Estate, I happened to witness how, in the midst of a physical fight, the (I assume) wife managed to flip the (yes, I assume) husband's t-shirt off his body with a flick, slick motion. I was like, wow! If there wasn't in actuality a ferocious fight going on, I would certainly have applauded real loud. I mean, how did she do that?

Raw emotions are something very intense, and you don't usually get to see it before you hear it first. Ever been on an innocent outing to the shopping centre or somewhere, and suddenly you hear a loud commotion? You start turning your neck every which direction, in search of the source, with scenes from the latest Hong Kong police drama playing in your mind. Alas, it wasn't some gang-heavy thugs settling scores with each other, or an officer of law accosting a robber, it was only a domestic quarrel between husband/wife, boy/girlfriend or fiance/fiancee.

Only a domestic quarrel, oh dear (~eyes rolling~), I need to correct myself. In my two and a-half years of married life, none of our quarrels can be termed as "only a quarrel"; at least not the real ones. Minor disagreements here and there those can be ignored. When a real quarrel happens, I am horrified to see myself morph into this being who rattles off angry words, ranting and raving at the man whom I love and chose to marry. I became the incessant nag I was determined not to become. Past wrongs were all brought up (again!), and I could go on and on (and on and on...) about how upset I am by what he did then and now.

As I ponder upon these unpleasant incidents, I began to better understand the Lord's instruction and His wisdom in it. Husbands are to love the wife, but the wives are to respect the husband.

You see, when the men desire a woman and longs to own her, he hasn't seen any of her fangs yet. After marriage, at any stage when the fangs show itself, the husbands have to choose to still love the wife.

For the women, they expect the man to be the head of the house, a competent leader. After exchanging vows, they live under the same roof, and with the natural passage of time, she began to see more and more of his (grrr..!) faults and various short-comings. That's why the wives need to choose to still respect the husband.

When the wife exposes her ugly side, the husband may start losing the lovin' feelin'. When a husband doesn't live up to a wife's expectations, she may gradually lose respect for him. All of these, our Lord God who created us, already knows. Thus, His gentle urging for the husbands to love the wife, and the wives to respect the husband.

On my part, I admit I still lose my cool here and there, in varying degrees. I don't expect to change my spots overnight, but I do acknowledge that I want to.

There had been some moments of extreme anger that makes me feel like strangling my husband, figuratively speaking. I won't do it, of course. If you doubt my words, feel free to scan the daily papers on news of a Husband Strangler.

What should I do to improve things? The answer is too simple to accept for some people. Just pray. Only the Lord can transform us, and in our upward struggles He eases the burden. The journey to maturity will be less tumultous if we allow Jesus to take the lead.

Jesus, be the Head of our marriage, our home.